Every Day is Hump Day

Mortimer, full name Mortimer Beauregard Thomas, is—at the time of this writing—a little over one year old, spayed, and trouble. He is also the most squishable, sweet, beautiful boy ever. He is bigger than our other cats and Mimi, our puppy, but he’s not large for a male kitty. He weighs in at around 11 pounds and has thick, shiny fur that feels like mink and silk and heaven and, in which your fingers can get lost.I suspect some of his weight is fur.

He loves to dance, so we dance. I pick him up and he rests his back on my arm. I hide his tail (or Mimi will nip it) and we twirl. He keeps his front paws stretched straight forward (a sign of his joy) with his head upside down seeking Mimi’s attention.The barking starts and the dance ends.

We were told Mortimer was three months old and neutered when we adopted him. He was not three months old. He had fuzzy blue eyes and it took a couple weeks for his eyes to emerge into the beautiful yellow with a clear ring in green-blue they are now. He also has a beautiful so-loud-it-will-wake-you-up purr.

He humps.

I spoke to my vet and he said it is rare for a neutered cat to hump. Our vet knows me fairly well and has been with us through many ups and downs, and Mortimer is a bit of a celebrity at the vet’s office. He’s a womanizer—Mortimer, not my vet. The vet said that Mortimer should outgrow this habit when he is around one year of age. I was told to think of him as if he was a teenage boy. If he were to still be doing this after one year, that would be rarer still.

Mortimer, as it turns out, is among the very rare.

My vet and I discussed this and he said that we should not scold him or he will be confused about something that just comes to him, well, naturally. When the urge strikes him—and we are the focus of these urges—, I get up, pick up Mortimer, and rock him until he calms down. This is a difficult endeavor with Mimi who will bark him off of us, the bed, and the blue dog. The blue dog—and, now, there are two blue dogs—is a story for another day.

So, just about every night there is an incident with Mortimer and just about every night, Mimi is barking at him, and everyone is awake. WIDE AWAKE. You know that cats are nocturnal, right? Well, I have worked very hard to change their circadian clocks so they sleep when we sleep. Mortimer destroyed that and everyone’s sleep is confused. 

So, when the night is deep and we are sound asleep, Mortimer will choose one of us and cry that special cry. We have since hidden the blue dogs after dusk.